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Fashion And The Fisherman.
By A.J. Klott, Sat Dec 10th
The one thing I have always enjoyed about is that yourarely see anyone wearing a tie. I suppose there is the occasional urban lunchtime warrior whomight race from his cubicle to the Hudson river to get a fewcasts in for some glow-in-the-dark fish, but ties are certainlynot the norm when it comes to suiting up for a days onthe river. When it comes to high fashion in the world, a button upfast drying high tech shirt is about as close to fashionable asit gets.Unless of course you count the plaid jacket!!
As it is, I can't quite figure out the purpose of the necktieanyway. Who in their right mind would come up with a part of the malewardrobe to wrap around your neck, and then cinch it up tight,and consider this a vital part of the function of clothing. For Gods sake,this is what they would do to condemned men justbefore they drop the floor out from under them, to create arather discomforting constriction about the windpipe and neck. I could understand it if the tie somehow held all our otherclothes up,like a belt, keeping our clothes from dropping to ourankles in a useless gathering of cloth. As far as I know therehas also never been an instance of a tie keeping a shirt in tactin high winds. It's obvious the tie was invented by our female counterparts,and is the ultimate payback for all our manly sins that wecommit everyday. I am sure it was produced under the guise of"fashion" at some point, with some weak feeble argument that a"gentleman" should always don a noose around his neck-lest hebecome a barbarian!! Other parts of the wardrobe I understand. Shoes? I understand shoes. They were developed to help protect our feetfrom the hostile environment of thistles, weeds,pavement,and hotcoffee spills. Shoes make sense Socks? Protection from shoe rub and sneaky thistles approaching fromankle height. Pants? Well, outside of not developing them with an expandablewaistband, pants have proven beneficial in adding warmth, againproviding protection from yet even higher thistles and stickers,keeping the suns harmful rays off of pasty white anglo legs, andprotecting us from hot coffee spills. As an added benefit, theyalso protect our eyes from viewing knobby knees and seniorcitizens who might otherwise have been walking around in blacksocks, Florisheims, and a loin cloth had pants not been invented. Underwear? The jury is still out on this benefit--BUTT-- we will giveunderwear the benefit of the doubt. Shirts? Again, sun protection, warmth in the winter, and a place to hidethose man breasts and ape like features we men have worked hardto develop. Keeps ketchup and mustard off our bellys also. Hat? We all know where the heat is going to escape. A brilliantinvention and very much like the thermos--it keeps you warm, itkeeps you cool, how does it know??? Coats, gloves,vests,belts,boots--hell-- even chaps, all seem tohave a function behind them. But the tie? Unless it was developed for men to have a permanently availablenapkin, or snot rag---I see no purpose. Actually, you could
make the argument that fishermen are theonly men that SHOULD wear ties. As long as they were made ofsheeps wool, the flyfisherman could use the "fuzzy tie" to haveeven a greater drying pad to keep his caddis, royal coachman,and brindle bugs handy and at the ready for quick pattern changeout. But enough about the tie. Fashion, as a general rule has escaped the world. This is a world where despite the efforts of Orvis and L.L.Bean, plaid is still the king, the t-shirt is still consideredstandard issue and drab greens and brown tones rule the day. Thank goodness, because I know the day is coming -when the Godsof fashion will begin to turn the world upside down withtrendy nouveau styles and colors. Before long, tall, emaciated, high cheek boned beauties will be"walking the runway", in Jordache waders showing us the latestdesigns of, breathable yet flattering river wear, inpurple,yellow, floral and .......dare I say it....TAUPE!!Especially since more and more women are taking up the sport offlyfishing, can high fashion be far behind?? I'm not sure you can feel like a snappy dresser with fishguts,bait,and slime all over you, but maybe with a diamondencrusted net dangling from your hip you will feel properlyaccessorized for an elegant evening on the river. The world has already come a long way when it comes tofashion--or should I say style.Once upon a time, most fishermanlooked more like deck hands, wearing rubber waders with bigoversized boots at the bottom. You would slip these over yourjeans and big thick wooly socks and if was cold, that red andblack checkered jacket would keep you warm.It also helped tohide the tobacco juice stains you would invariably always spiton yourself while fishing. It basically was one size fitsall--and you couldn't tell if a person was 270 pounds or 140pounds under the rubber--everyone looked 270 pounds. Today neoprene and lightweight high tech shredded milk cartonshirts are being seen more and more, and the vest hasmore cubbies and pockets than a colony of Kangaroos. And they look good on the cover of magazines to boot!! Speaking of boots. I remember my first wading boots were basically the same boots Iwore to muck out manholes when I worked for the telephonecompany. Now, they look more like "Hush Puppies" and I'm not sosure I wouldn't be proud to wear them into the office. I suppose the day is coming when neoprene waders will be made tolook like tuxedos or Armani suits--so we can really look likegentlemen out there. That might not actually be a bad idea, Ifor one could see the benefit in that--especially if the weddingceremony runs into the evening hatch--one could still make itout to the river and save some valuable time avoiding "changetime". All in all, it doesn't really matter to me if some stylecontinues to creep into the world, but if they startmaking the "river tie"--I'm taking up Golf! About the author:A.J. Klott Author, writer of humor,and "fly tack"peddler.A.J. writes about the people,characters and modern dayevents that surround the world. His first book is dueout in December of 2005. If you need a laugh or a fun gift,visit his website at: http://www.twoguyswithflys.com
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